Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
