Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
