How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
my sisters under your porch take her home
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
