I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
