Duck Duck Cougar?
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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