we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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