So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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