god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
