Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
