I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
She's the barista slut.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
