Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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