He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
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