did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
