Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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