$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
