Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I would ride that face into the sunset
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize