i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Found your dick twin last night
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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