I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
