no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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