Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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