Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Randomize
