At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
