Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
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