we're chasing vodka with high fives
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
