Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
not ubering you a puppy
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
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