last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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