Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Text me some of your sweat
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