omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
