I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
