I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
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