wat bout pragnant strippers??
you would pick up someone in the library
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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