I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
