cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
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