If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
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