Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
