How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
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