just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
When are your genitals available?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
