If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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