I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
