woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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