Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
