We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
