I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize