You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
