i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
