You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
