If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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