I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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