am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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