I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
