Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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