Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize