omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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