I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Randomize
