I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
