every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
