It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
