I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
