So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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