Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize