i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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