Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
How naked do you want me to be?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
