So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
