babies were throwing up all over the place
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
