I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I forgot how hot balto sounded
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
