I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
