I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
There r osticjed everywhere
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize