And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
You can't just leave with hair like that
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
