you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
