The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
