I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
