you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
