in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
