I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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